Every little thing the babies do is such a huge event to the other humans, but I don't understand it. They're 8-months-old and everyone makes a big deal out of the girl baby learning to sit (Mom said to make sure to tell everyone that Ella is sitting now. See what I mean? I can't even write a blog post without having to plug the stupid babies). When I was 8-months I had already graduated my obedience class as Top Dog. Sitting? I was sitting by 4-months. Not just sitting, but sitting on command. Did everyone make a big deal out of me figuring out how to sit? Nope, they gave me a tiny treat and told me to do it again. Totally unfair.
Speaking of unfair, the double standard that Mommy and Daddy have between me and the babies is ridiculous. There is baby crap everywhere (and they're toys look exactly like my toys), but I never chew on any of their toys. Not even the stuffed animals, and if you know me at all you know how hard that is. (I have chewed on the occasional pacifier, but seriously they're delicious and they're everywhere.) If I ever did eat a toy I would get in lots of trouble. Then there are the babies. They eat everything, even my toys. Today the baby girl threw all of her toys to the side and started eating my rope. When Mommy took that away she started eating my Kong. Did she get yelled at, or even scolded? Nope. Hell, the babies chew on ME and no one says anything to them. I just have to lay there and take it (although I secretly love the attention). Daddy got new glasses last week and the babies are always grabbing and pulling them. Of course, no one says anything to them. I licked his glasses today and got in trouble. One lick. Total crap.
I haven't even mentioned all the stuff that the babies can't even do yet. Apparently even something as basic as Ella crawling about a foot forward is worth talking about. Really? Crawling? She's 8-months-old! I was running around before I was 1-week. Don't even get me started on the house-breaking. I never took one dump in our house (I did drop a deuce at The Learning Garden once, but it wasn't ours yet and it smelled weird), and it only took 2 weeks for me to figure out that I'm supposed to pee outside. The little humans have taken about 10,000 poops in the house and no one seems to care. I've heard rumors they even poop in stores. Imagine if I stopped and squatted in Target; I'd never hear the end of it. They just throw diapers on the babies and act like everything is fine. The worst part is no one seems to be trying to fix the problem. They don't even take them out to the lawn to teach them to "hurry". How are they ever going to learn?
There's plenty of other ways I'm way better than the babies, but Mommy and Daddy want the laptop and I still have to check on all my Twitter friends so I better go. I love my babies, but I'll love them a lot more when they can take me on a walk. Until then I'm going to go hide my toys so they stop eating them. [Update: Here are some pictures of the babies torturing me!]
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